Updated: Feb 4, 2020
Bonding with your children using mindfulness techniques.
This blog is for all the parents who have kids and teachers, caretakers or adults who are surrounded by kids in their daily lives. We all bond with children instantaneously or take time some occasions. Sometimes as adults we live in head space and find it difficult to bond with the children, in fairness a lot is going on these days with the targets we are setting for ourselves etc. The key is not to be stressed about it but taking a slight step back to STEP INTO stress free time with children to have a fun time or in schools.
Listening is the most important skills as a parent. To be present and just listen. Even if the speech is not clear or its gobble goo.. from a young child, they know and sense if you are listening. If we can spend minimum10 minutes with a child in an attentive way, the relationship is going to have a strong bond in long terms. For instance, I try to spend quality time in mornings when I wake them. They are fresh and share so much information it’s fascinating to hear their dreams and imaginations before getting into a busy routine. Or it could be at breakfast table or some parents choose evening pick up time after school/college or dinner table or sleep time. Choice is ours depending on lifestyle or times we have with them. Remember memories last life time.
If you look at the bonding they have with their grandparents is the relationship is strong just because they listen to them patiently. Remember it’s never too later to start this or to remind ourselves. And we are training them to be better listeners too.
Time spend with mandala art, colouring or craft work helps children to unwind and bond and share their stories. I found I share my feeling and let them share over an art table. It’s easier as you are letting go with no constraints. And flow of words is easy as you are working with colours or craft.
Our bodies and minds are relaxed and we can chill to the deeper parts of us. I hear surprising stories coming out from these activities like a part of an old memory or some emotion that was bothering them or us are spilled out in a gentle way. “I know my kids” is what I think but it’s more deeper knowing of them comes at these moments and you get in touch with this little strong person who has their views and opinions.
Encourage this communication as this builds their personality and confidence. I might get to know some incidents happening in school that was bothering them at these conversations and helps in speaking up. And I share my own experiences as well. And they know we are at their level to understand them. Opinions are heard and it matters to adults.
Games lie Ludo, Monopoly, Jenga helps in building and focussing ad team strengths. Partner up with children and bring along the team work. Small games make the way to heart. Between me and my husband we share our strengths who to be on the floor with kids. Me at art stuff and dad at craft and games. As we are mindful of our strengths we can spend better quality time with them. Outdoor activities are great too as we all connect with nature having mindful walks to notice what’s around and beneath and slowdown to calm our lives. And break from busy schedules.
If need be apologise to your children. Teach them it’s okay to say sorry and as adults we do mistakes but also, we respect children and honour them who they are by accepting the mistakes. And it’s okay to make mistakes and realise rather carry on the burden. This is being mindful of our emotions and feelings. I remember first time when I apologies to my children when they were 3 and 5 yrs. for raising my voice. I was in tears after doing it as it was so powerful emotion to release and feel good after. And I felt good and I know deep down they understood my emotion. And now they know if you are sorry just say it. Be honest. Teach by doing it rather saying it.
We do gratitude and prayer every night before bedtime. This is creating a ritual with them on what made them happy and carry that beauty for next day. This helps us realise we are all sleeping with light hearts and in peace. Once again acknowledging the goodness around and releasing sooner the harder emotions beneath.
I am sharing these from my experiences as parenting and interacting with kids at schools that I teach mindfulness. I am everyday learning from the kids how to bond as there is no manual. We all learn from each other. But once we understand we have inner child and need not be always the right ones in parenting or being adults it’s easier to bond with children. Simple joyful moments are way to get into their hearts. They bond with the fun-loving child in you much easily and remember we all have one. Let me know if you practice a different technique.
“In today’s rush, we all think too much — seek too much — want too much — and forget about the joy of just being.” ~Eckhart Tolle